What is an uncontested divorce?

Kylie called looking for help with an amicable divorce.  She said they had been married 15 years and the divorce was uncontested.  They didn’t want to get courts or lawyers involved.

Here is our quick introductory conversation.

We just need help with the paperwork, said Kylie.

Great, do you mind if I get a little information so I can get a better idea of what you need?

Sure.

What is your spouse’s name?

Sam.

Do you have children?

Yes, two children, one is 14 and one is 12.

What are their names?

Our daughter is Alicia and our son is Brandon.

Have you and Sam talked about two home parenting for Alicia and Brandon?

We’ve been separated for a year and have each had every other week with the kids.  It is working pretty well so we’ve agreed on joint custody.

Have you worked out a plan for the holidays?

We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together this year.  I think we can work that out as we go.

What about finances, do you own a home?

Yes, I’m going to stay in the home.  And we each have a 401(k).

Any debt?

A couple of credit cards, we have a car loan and the mortgage.

Are both of you employed?

Yes, we earn about the same salary.

Have you and Sam agreed on a value for your home?

Well, Zillow says $900,000.

Zillow may not be a reliable indicator of actual value.  How much do you owe?

About $450,000.

Have you and Sam decided how you are going to divide the home equity?

I’m going to stay in the house until our youngest graduates from high school and then we are going to sell it.  We’ll divide it 50/50.

It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress on these important divorce issues.  And, I hear that there are still some details that need to be figured out.  For example, there are a lot of things to consider when you want to own a house together after a divorce.  I think it would be helpful to have an attorney consultation or at least one mediation session to go through all the details and make sure that you have considered things that might come up and cause conflict in the future.  You’ll need a carefully drafted agreement so that you are each clear about your rights and responsibilities.  That will hopefully prevent future conflicts.  Let’s talk about your options for getting to the finish line…

 

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Defining “Uncontested”

My friend recently sent me an article about a guy who said he is creating a robot for people to generate divorce documents online with no charge.  He claims 95% of divorces are “uncontested” so why do lawyers charge so much to get people divorced?  His statistic may be true if by “uncontested” he means that both people want to get divorced.  The decision to end a marriage isn’t an easy one but when couples get to that point, they often both agree that it is the right choice for them.  However, making that decision only starts the process.  Although I admittedly haven’t asked every divorced couple, my experience is that most don’t agree on every issue that needs to be decided.  Unless there is little property and no children, the majority of couples probably have some issues about which they do not agree.  Or, they may simply not know all the issues they need to resolve.

There are many decisions that have to be made when uncoupling, establishing two homes for your children and dividing property and debt.  You may not agree on all of the details or even know what you need to consider.  Nobody has a “divorce fund” saved or a desire to spend a lot of money on the process of divorcing but an incomplete or vaguely worded agreement can create future conflict costing more money down the road.

You may each think that you are on the same page with the decisions you’ve made but when you talk through the details, you discover that you had different ideas about how things would work.  In addition, there are legal requirements for completing your divorce that require specificity you may not have discussed.

Planning for two home parenting

In the above discussion, Kylie and Sam have agreed to work out holiday schedules for their children “as we go”.  However, the final parenting plan submitted to the court will have to be more specific.  If there were a future conflict and a judge had to make a decision, the judge wouldn’t know what to do with a plan that just says the parents will work it out. Kylie and Sam have the best intentions to grow their co-parenting relationship, minimize the impact of the divorce on their children and create a successful two home family.  Still, they likely haven’t talked through what might happen if they encounter scheduling conflicts, or their lives change with new partners and/or blended families.  It is impossible to anticipate every change that might arise but a plan with baseline specificity can prevent conflicts.  Parents who work well together don’t have to follow the plan but it will be there when they can’t agree.

Working through these decisions shouldn’t be a “contest” but wise parents who want to minimize impact on children will take some time to consider the “what ifs”.  Deciding how they will best honor their traditions when their family resides in two homes will reduce conflict which is always the goal of a well thought out agreement.  Continued conflict is the number one predictor of poor outcomes for kids after divorce.

Property division decisions

Kylie and Sam want to own a home together after divorce, or do they?  Have they really thought through what it means to wait until the kids graduate from high school to divide home equity?  There are many details to be worked out and carefully documented so their agreement is very clear.  Again, there are “what ifs” to be considered.  What if the housing market crashes again?  What if one of them has to move out of state and they’ve agreed to share maintenance responsibilities?  What if one of them needs to cash out equity before the kids graduate?  Will they share responsibility for packing, moving, discarding, donating, storing personal property?

Getting cost effective help

This is a situation where, as the saying goes, being “penny wise” may be “pound foolish”.  Spending money during the divorce for legal consultation and resolving issues with a respectful communication process such as Mediation or Collaborative Process can save financial and emotional costs during the divorce and as life unfolds afterword.  I find that people often fear lawyers because they expect lawyers to escalate the conflict.  While I agree that there is some basis for this concern, I know that my colleagues who are trained to use the Collaborative Process will work with you to manage conflict effectively so that agreement becomes more possible, not less.  Even if you are only seeking a single legal consultation, I encourage you to counsel with an attorney trained in Collaborative Process.

Contact me to schedule a 30 minute, no charge consultation about conflict resolution processes and how they can work for you.  Use the King County Collaborative Law or International Academy of Collaborative Professionals links on my website to find other qualified Collaborative lawyers for you or your spouse.

The “clients” depicted in this post are fictitious. Their story is a composite of dozens of client stories I’ve encountered in 20 years of family law practice. Any resemblance to actual clients is purely coincidental.